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'Tis about freaking time for an X-Mas Blog From EMPB28!

Published by
empb28   on Dec 20 2010, 05:41 AM

 

Here it is folks!  What better way is there to celebrate Christmas 2010 than with the first EVER Christmas blog from your good ol' unnecessarily violent blogger EMPB28?  Well maybe shoving a life-size candy canes up the U of O parking adminstrator's ass so far that he or she is shitting peppermint well into 2011.  But, strangely enough, I decided to parody everybody's favorite childhood Christmas poem instead.   Below lies a magical mystical tale of ball sack chopping and man weiner slicing and burning which only yours turly could create.  So gather round yee merry Runnerspacers and enjoy EMPB28's special way of bringing out the Christmas spirit in you all. Yeah, it's overly violent and vulgar.  WHAT THE HELL ELSE DID YOU EXPECT OUT OF ME FOR A CHRISTMAS BLOG!!!  Anyway, grab some hot choclate, sit around the fire (Which hopefully has John Mayer's head serving as a yule log) and enjoy this holly, jolly, gory, bloody special EMPB28 Christmas blog.................

Twas' the Night Before Christmas.....................that the Asshole Who Created YouTube Ads will NEVER Forget!

Twas the Night before Christmas

In the house of the prick

Who put video ads on YouTube

Of which the whole damn world is sick

And as he and his wife

Got ready to do it

One of the house's windows did open

And EMPB28 crawled through it

With a blowtorch fully charged

And a hunting knife in carry

Intended to teach this douche bag a lesson

By shredding and burning his balls so hairy

For when EMPB28 watches YouTube Vids

To what should his eyes appear?

Some dumb-ass car ad

For the latest brand of Cavalier

When all he damn wanted

Was vids of Taylor Swift nude

He had to pointlessly sit through

This stupid ad on You Tube

But on this Christmas Eve 

Justice will be served

When EMPB28 blowtorches

This moron's testicular nerves

Off into this jack-off's house

EMPB28 went with a flash

Found this ass-licker and proceeded

To chop his private parts into hash

And as this moron in pain

Did loudly wail and screech

EMPB 28 let out

A demeaning, sadistic speech

“Now dickhead, now asshole, now you You Tube ruining bastard!”

“My You-Tube based sexual gratification gets disrupted by your adverts!”

“From the top your 3-inch long dick”

“To bottom of your 60 cubic centimeter balls!”

“I shall hack away and slice away and incinerate away all!”

When suddenly from down this asswipe’s chimney

Came Jolly Ol’ St Nick

Who, was also pissed about You Tube Ads

And too longed to cut off this moron’s dick

Santa barged into the bedroom

And looked at EMPB28

And yelled, “Why the hell did you start without me you asshole?!”

To which EMPB28 replied, “Some of his scrotum sack remain unscathed, so don’t worry you’re not too late”

“Whew” replied Santa

As he reached in his bag of toys

He pulled out a hedge trimmer and said

“Time for some good ol’ Christmas fun boys!”

He then shredded up

What little remained

Of this evil You-Tube vid advertisers’ man sex parts

The blood of which, his bed sheets did now stain

And as a final act of redemption

For uploading ads we can’t by pass

EMPB28 and Santa shoved

A lightning rod sky high up his ass

And now this mutual vengeance

Was fulfilled more than ample

For both EMPB28 and St. Nick

Had, on this night, set a clear example

But EMPB28 However

Had one more Christmas idea

To grind Jason Mraz’s sucky-music making balls off

With an electric sander bought from IKEA

Santa excitedly said “Hey man,

I’d love to teach that guy a lesson”

“I’ve wanted to blow that girly voiced moron’s nuts off”

“With my new Smith and Wesson”

So off EMPB28 and Kris Kringle

Did fly into the night

To hopefully get that horrible singer

Within ball-sack busting sight

And so thus ends

This sadistic Christmas poem spoof

Unless you’ve pissed EMPB28 or Santa off

Don’t be scared when he lands on your roof

If you’re the UW meet Organizer, Colbie Caillait, or others who have done so however

You’ll be pleading for a lump of coal

When your ball sack open Santa does sever

And so you’ve been warned

Of this new alterior motive for Santa’s flight

So Merry Christmas to all

And to all a good night…………………………WITH THE UNBIASED AND EXPLICIT EXCEPTION OF THE BASTARD WHO PUT ADS IN FRONT OF YOU TUBE VIDS OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!XD

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