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Gettin' Sing a ma Jiggy Wit it

Published by
empb28   on Sep 25 2010, 02:11 AM

Despite the fact that will still have three months until Christmas, predictions for X-Mas 2010's most wanted toys have been made.   I'll probably have hung myself to avoid listening to all the sucky Chirstmas commercial jingles by then.  But those of you who don't take suicidal measures to avoid the latest Christmas sap-crap will want to be on the lookout for these adorable little bastards known as "Sing-a-ma-jigs".  They've got the ears of various animas and the eyes of a lonely, horny guy who was freaking lucky enough to stumble upon Taylor Swift naked in her dressing room.  And whenever you squeeze their stomach they sing songs depending on which one you have (i.e. "When the Saints go Marching in", "Home on the Range").  Seeing as these are NOT songs by evil sucky music demons such as Jason Mraz, John Mayer, or she by the name of Colbie Caillat who must not be named, this pleases me further.   Let me share my impression of each of these four different colored cute little mofos.  First, we have the blue one with yellow lips and a piss yellow/puke green shirt (If I don't cite the movie American Graffiti for that their producers will sew me up my ass extra hard) with kidney blood purple strips.  If he could sing anything other than "When the Saints go Marching in" it'd probably be: I'm blue and I have plastic eyes and I have plastic eyes and I have plastic eyes (Eiffel 65 probably will give my ass a nice sweet dose of litigation now also). Next we have good ol' Big Red.  He sings that wonderful song which consists of bitching about the fact that your little dog ran away and you don't know where he has gone.  If I had a dog that ran away I would bitch about it here on Runnerspace and not in some made up song!  Then we have the Hella Mellow Yellow Fellow who will belt out Home on the Range provided that you give him several consecutive chest compressions.  This is the bassist of the 4 little heartwarming hell-raisers.  Let me tell you, this low octave-oriented rabbit-thing makes Barry White's voice sound like a mouse getting it's nuts hack-sawed off.  And finally, we have Pink.  No, not the female vocalist who wanted nothing more than to "Get this Party Started" while we wanted nothing more than to "Get her goddamn sucky song off the radio" around 2001/2002.  The heart shaped retnas of this one's eyes will remind anyone who looks at him(or her I'm not sure since I haven't got the chance to look between their legs yet) that they are loved (awwwwwwwwwww...no).  This one sings "Skip to my loo" and, considering that loo is a term used for bathroom in Australia, was likely intended for PT purposes (Come on people we ALL know what that stands for).  But when I hear the call of nature subsequent to eating 5 bags of rasins, I usually have to make a life-or-death move my ass dash to my loo rather than a skipping motion.  Ah well.  I'd like to commence wrapping up this blog by saying that another one of the most wanted toys this X-Mas was an edition of a Nerf "N-Strike" Gun.  While I would love nothing more for Christmas than to blow one of my old sucky college instrutor's half-gallon 5-inch long man jewels off with a REAL gun, any person under the age of 6 would want nothing more for Christmas than to see one of these cute, cuddly, creepy animal-like things under your HOPEFULLY REAL Christmas tree.  (FAKE TRESS SUCK BALLS AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!) :}

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